Stuff Sports People Like... And Dislike

In honor of the end of the Winter Olympics I decided that I wanted to give out medals of my own to the top 3 and bottom 3 sport's habits of the Every Day sports watcher. These conventions are commonly seen at any big sporting event party (Superbowl, draft day, pairs figure skating viewing party..etc.) and can either create a conversation that brings casual sports fans together in conversational synergy or annoy the H-E-double American hockey sticks out of somebody causing he or she to leave the room, down a case of beers, and return challenging his or her foe to a battle to death. (or maybe just the first part)

So without further ado, I present to you all (cue dramatic Olympics music), The Best and Worst of the Sports World and their medals (in reverse order):

Top:


The Scotty "I swear it's not what you think" Lago Bronze Medal : Fantasy Sports
First of all, for most of us it's the only time in most of our lives that we can pretend like we are the owners of our own team in our favorite sport. Also we get to accomplish a dream and draft the people that we love to watch onto a team that we are sure (at least at the beginning of the season) are going to run over and through the other teams. And the trash talking and bragging rights will enhance any sports season amongst friends. Sometimes the best thing to do is to pick a sport that no one knows and usually goes unwatched (baseball, hockey, golf) and then start a fantasy league of it. This way you can get to know the players and the game as the season goes along.

The US Men's Hockey "Guttiest 2nd place finish I've ever seen" Silver Medal: Drafting Anything
It seems like a theme of most good sports activities center around the ability to pick a group and then back them against any other group. You can basically hold a draft for anything. Maybe you and a friend decide to draft "mixed drinks". With the first pick, I would take a margarita. Then you're friend takes the Long Island so you know you have to counter such a knockout blow of a pick by picking an Adios mother****** (basically a Long Island with Blue Curacao instead of coke for you non-West Coastians. See how this could work for just about anything. Easily the best way to waste a hour if you have the time.

The Shaun White "Oh you mean I was competing with other people" Gold Medal: Odds Making
This one gets top billing because you can bet on the odds of something situationally. 10 to 1 odds the Celtics get booted in the first round of the playoffs, 1000 to 1 that the US wins the World Cup, Over/Under 200 for the number of times a day Tiger must say sorry to his wife so he doesn't get hit again. You could go for days with the different possibilities and unlike the other two require little time commitment.

Now we get to the Bottom:


The Apollo Ohno "Quantity over Quality" Bronze Medal: Yelling at the TV screen
You know that guy, you hate that guy, and if you are that guy you should know that no one likes you... OK so that was a little harsh but seriously why would you yell at the screen as if someone`s going to change their strategy just because you said so. All yelling at the screen is good for is making people mad when they miss some key stat or joke when they can't hear the announcers speaking. The coach can't hear you and even if they could why would they listen?

The Yevgeny Plushenko "Whine-a-thon" Silver/Platinum Medal: Annoying Sports Phrases
Am I the only one that really hates every time some TV or radio commentator talks about someone's length or when everyone referencing draft prospects refer to their upside or unmeasurables?? I understand that it is impossible to just use stats to quantify a player's worth but that does not mean that you can make up criteria to somehow account for that.
Jersey Shore Sidenote: Can we just take a minute to pay homage to three of the greatest man phrases ever to come out of a show: the Situation as in " I think we have a Situation", The Robbery, and The Grenade.....and now back to the article

The Women's "Highway Robbery" short track Gold Medal: Comparing Stars to Legends
(The South Koreans really got jobbed in this one and by the same ref that screwed them in favor of Apolo Ohno in 2002...)
I hate any conversation that leads to someone comparing one of today's stars i.e. Lebron, Kobe, Wade to the Legends of yesteryear i.e. Jordan, Bird, Magic, Russell. There will never be another one of these transcendent players. There just won't. There may be other people that join them on the pedestal but I am tired of people suggesting that anyone will ever replace these players in our minds. It's just as bad in Football when people try and compare the best QBs or running backs to those of the past. It's impossible. The game is not the same therefore you could never fairly compare different eras so just stop. Please.