Olympic Sized Reparations - China Stripped of 2000 Sydney Bronze Medal

Does anyone remember the Olympic controversy of 2008 where a whole crew of Chinese gymnast that looked a little too pint sized and sprightly to be 16 where questioned about their eligibility to compete? Well 10 years after the 2000 Olympics in Sydney the International Committee (IOC) has learned that Dong Fangxiao was only 14 years old when her team won the Bronze. The IOC has stripped the Chinese women's team of their Bronze and officially awarded it to US team. The IOC is continuing to investigate the eligibility of all of the Chinese gymnasts.

Stuff Sports People Like... And Dislike

In honor of the end of the Winter Olympics I decided that I wanted to give out medals of my own to the top 3 and bottom 3 sport's habits of the Every Day sports watcher. These conventions are commonly seen at any big sporting event party (Superbowl, draft day, pairs figure skating viewing party..etc.) and can either create a conversation that brings casual sports fans together in conversational synergy or annoy the H-E-double American hockey sticks out of somebody causing he or she to leave the room, down a case of beers, and return challenging his or her foe to a battle to death. (or maybe just the first part)

So without further ado, I present to you all (cue dramatic Olympics music), The Best and Worst of the Sports World and their medals (in reverse order):

Top:


The Scotty "I swear it's not what you think" Lago Bronze Medal : Fantasy Sports
First of all, for most of us it's the only time in most of our lives that we can pretend like we are the owners of our own team in our favorite sport. Also we get to accomplish a dream and draft the people that we love to watch onto a team that we are sure (at least at the beginning of the season) are going to run over and through the other teams. And the trash talking and bragging rights will enhance any sports season amongst friends. Sometimes the best thing to do is to pick a sport that no one knows and usually goes unwatched (baseball, hockey, golf) and then start a fantasy league of it. This way you can get to know the players and the game as the season goes along.

The US Men's Hockey "Guttiest 2nd place finish I've ever seen" Silver Medal: Drafting Anything
It seems like a theme of most good sports activities center around the ability to pick a group and then back them against any other group. You can basically hold a draft for anything. Maybe you and a friend decide to draft "mixed drinks". With the first pick, I would take a margarita. Then you're friend takes the Long Island so you know you have to counter such a knockout blow of a pick by picking an Adios mother****** (basically a Long Island with Blue Curacao instead of coke for you non-West Coastians. See how this could work for just about anything. Easily the best way to waste a hour if you have the time.

The Shaun White "Oh you mean I was competing with other people" Gold Medal: Odds Making
This one gets top billing because you can bet on the odds of something situationally. 10 to 1 odds the Celtics get booted in the first round of the playoffs, 1000 to 1 that the US wins the World Cup, Over/Under 200 for the number of times a day Tiger must say sorry to his wife so he doesn't get hit again. You could go for days with the different possibilities and unlike the other two require little time commitment.

Now we get to the Bottom:


The Apollo Ohno "Quantity over Quality" Bronze Medal: Yelling at the TV screen
You know that guy, you hate that guy, and if you are that guy you should know that no one likes you... OK so that was a little harsh but seriously why would you yell at the screen as if someone`s going to change their strategy just because you said so. All yelling at the screen is good for is making people mad when they miss some key stat or joke when they can't hear the announcers speaking. The coach can't hear you and even if they could why would they listen?

The Yevgeny Plushenko "Whine-a-thon" Silver/Platinum Medal: Annoying Sports Phrases
Am I the only one that really hates every time some TV or radio commentator talks about someone's length or when everyone referencing draft prospects refer to their upside or unmeasurables?? I understand that it is impossible to just use stats to quantify a player's worth but that does not mean that you can make up criteria to somehow account for that.
Jersey Shore Sidenote: Can we just take a minute to pay homage to three of the greatest man phrases ever to come out of a show: the Situation as in " I think we have a Situation", The Robbery, and The Grenade.....and now back to the article

The Women's "Highway Robbery" short track Gold Medal: Comparing Stars to Legends
(The South Koreans really got jobbed in this one and by the same ref that screwed them in favor of Apolo Ohno in 2002...)
I hate any conversation that leads to someone comparing one of today's stars i.e. Lebron, Kobe, Wade to the Legends of yesteryear i.e. Jordan, Bird, Magic, Russell. There will never be another one of these transcendent players. There just won't. There may be other people that join them on the pedestal but I am tired of people suggesting that anyone will ever replace these players in our minds. It's just as bad in Football when people try and compare the best QBs or running backs to those of the past. It's impossible. The game is not the same therefore you could never fairly compare different eras so just stop. Please.

Hockey's Newest Biggest Fan...Kinda

So yesterday I turned on the Canada-Russia game not knowing what to expect since I have not watched a single hockey game in the past decade. But I figured this was touted as the biggest game on the biggest stage of the world as the two best teams clashed in the quarterfinals of the Olympics so I had to watch. I gotta say I really wasn't disappointed (well except in the sluggish way that Russia decided to show up). All the aspects of a great sports game were present: There was lots of scoring, the crowd was in a frenzy and chanting things like they were at a soccer game the entire time, there were hard hits and lots of animosity, the two best players in the NHL were present (in Sidney Crosby and Alex Ovechkin) as were classic players like Sergei Federov that I remember playing with in NHL 96 on my Sega Genesis, and finally there was a great story as the host nation, Canada, proved to every other team in the competition that they were back on track and once again the team to beat. What more could one ask for in a game...

The crazy part is it wasn't even that good of a game in the sense that Canada basically had the game locked up by the end of the first period up 4-1. The Russian team came out looking much slower than the Canadians and played the majority of the game on their heels, reeling under the onslaught of the Canadian attack. The Russians allowed their goalie to be abused for 6 goals before they finally took the first one out the game then just when they seemed as if they might have the motivation to fight their way back into it, the Canadians put another one into the net on the new goalie making it 7-2 by the end of the second. The consolation goal the Russians were able to squeak out in the third made it 7-3 but the victory was already well in hand by then. Even more of a surprise, the two "best" players in the game barely factored into the result at all. Even if you have never watched hockey before you could see the winning strategy. They didn't allow the Russians to breathe or collect themselves. They jumped on every loose puck and challenged every Russian player trying to make his way up the ice. The Canadians came out firing on all cylinders and never backed off, they were ready to play and to prove a point to the world: This Is Our House.

This game has inspired me to even give the NHL a chance once in a while. Unfortunately I heard the NHL isn't really the same as Olympic Hockey though....

Apparently it's better: There's fighting and sometimes it's even encouraged. They have guys called enforcers specifically on the team to inspire the masses by taking on the other team's enforcer in battle. I dare you to tell me that the NBA or the NFL wouldn't be a little more exciting if they let their players throw down once in a while. Well in hockey it happens all the time. You want to know the penalty for it? 5 minutes. YEP 5 minutes. Not a suspension, not an ejection from the game but just five minutes in the penalty box. Pure genius. I might have found a new sport to fill the down times between football and basketball seasons. Then again perhaps the novelty will run its course and I'll be back to the apathy I normally hold towards it (unless the Flyers are doing well). All I know is that for at least one day, hockey was one of my favorite sports.

The Greatest Story Never Told

And now for the greatest Vancouver story you will probably never hear, at least if you live in the United States: The Harry Potter-looking fellow you see above has accomplished an unprecedented feat by sweeping the Men’s Individual Ski Jump in Vancouver and bringing his Olympic Gold total to 4. Ammann (who hails from Switzerland for those who missed the flag on his jacket) now has twice as many golds as American golden boy Apolo Ohno, but ‘round these parts I fear his story will go all but untold.

America F*** Yeah!

I have never really been a fan of the winter games in the Olympics. Maybe because I grew up in a town where Football is king and the Rodeo sponsors annual parades. But this year's Olympic games have definitely opened my eyes and woke up most of America.

The winter games used to be the one time that we gave all the other countries a fair chance. They're the only opportunity where countries like Norway can get a chance to taste victory and Olympic gold and not be found sulking in the shadows of American global dominance. But with Shaun White making this look more like the X games, Lindsey Vonn vying for the title of America's Sweetheart and Apolo Anto Ohno becoming Phelps on ice as he rakes in the medals, this years Olympics feel a lot different.

As a person who always roots for the underdog, part of me feels bad that we have spread our unapologetic hunger for gold to the inherently peaceful winter games, but then the other more patriotic side of me wants to stand up and scream "America F*** Yeah!" (insert "Team America" background music) every time Ohno adds to his hardware. So excuse as I continue to feel obnoxiously patriotic today and pop in the movie "Miracle" to celebrate 30 years of America beating people at their own game.